Alien attack imminent, Buckingham Palace is a drug den, and the Queen is a criminal mastermind, in this week’s fact-challenged tabloids.

You know we're in for a fun week with the tabloids when the National Enquirer cover on "America's Worst Sex Abuse Churches," along with its handy guide – "Is Your Priest a Pervert?" – is topped by the banner: "Flip Over The Cover For 5 More Exclusives!" You turn the page with eager anticipation, and find . . . an ad for a walk-in bathtub. Perhaps the deception is designed to make you feel dirty, boosting sales for the tub?

It's a bait-and-switch tactic that seems to embody this week's tabloid offerings.

"Dying Perv Cosby Begs for New Kidney!" proclaims an Enquirer story about newly incarcerated sex offender Bill Cosby. Wouldn't you think his defense attorneys might have mentioned this at his sentencing? Especially since his daughter Ensa died at 44 from renal disease in February. An unnamed source claims that Cosby refuses to have kidney transplant surgery at the hospital because "he's convinced the hospital staff will sedate him, steal his organs and then sell them to settle up his unpaid legal bills." Right. Because transplant surgeons are begging for organs from 81-year-old donors, and routinely offer their services to lawyers to recover debts.

The British Royal Family continues to be an easy tabloid target, famed for its reluctance to sue for libel. "Queen Destroys Diana Murder Evidence – To Prevent Charles' Arrest," reports the National Examiner. That explains everything! Criminal mastermind Elizabeth "concocted a massive cover-up" after "conniving love rat" Charles "confessed to masterminding the murder of his ex-wife." "She ordered MI6 agents to impound Diana's death car, destroy damning tissue samples and do everything to hide the truth." Right. Read the rest