There is no better proof of superstring theory positing up to 26 dimensions than this week's tabloids, in which the headlines and the stories beneath them clearly live in entirely different universes. The British Royals fall headlong into this space-time discontinuum, led by Britain's Prince Harry in the National Enquirer under the headline: "Harry Trapped in Hooker & Drug Scandal!"
How exactly is Harry trapped with drugs and prostitutes? He isn't, at least not in any dimension known to humanity. His father-in-law, Thomas Markle Sr, aged 74, reportedly tells the Enquirer that in the 1970s and '80s he occasionally sampled cocaine – an admission he first made months ago – and that while in the Philippines, "I never paid for sex." No mention of prostitutes, and no "hooker scandal."
How do Markle's drug admission and hooker denial "trap" Harry? The Enquirer claims that Markle's "repugnant antics could end his gorgeous daughter's fairytale marriage to Prince Harry!" That's the sort of stretch you expect to see when being pulled apart at a molecular level after passing a singularity and falling into a black hole, which may well be where this week's tabloids belong.
"Royal Blood Feud Explodes!" claims the Globe, with its cover headline: "Royals at War! Kate & Meghan's Vicious Catfight With Fergie's Girls!" Have the Royal women been pulling each others' hair and scratching their eyes out? Far worse, according to the Globe.
Princess Eugenie (Prince Andrew's daughter by ex-wife Sarah Ferguson, for those who don't religiously follow every episode of the Royal soap opera) invited more guests to her wedding on October 12 than Meghan Markle did at the same venue – supposedly an insult designed to "upstage" Duchess Meghan. Read the rest
